She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
