those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
