You're my little dorito
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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