3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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