He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
