Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
