i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
