my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
