Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
