I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
