he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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