he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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