Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
