i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
