I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
