he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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