sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
two words...techno handjob
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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