Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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