You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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