if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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