I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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