I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
