Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize