he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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