matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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