yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
