I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
