my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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