Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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