Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
