living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
