who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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