Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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