fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
