She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
