Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
