I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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