Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
