4 words: hood of his car
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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