I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
