I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
