Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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