I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
