Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Randomize
