oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
