It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
