I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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