Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
