When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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