i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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