I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
