i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
false alarm, still single
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