why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
