Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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