My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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