He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize