We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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