1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
