the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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