I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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