Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
