This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
