Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
