Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
