Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
