party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
