I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
