So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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