Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
