I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize