Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
