No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
