ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
