I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
