I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
