what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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