Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
