he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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