I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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