Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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